#the man is a fraud your honour

[alexjcrowley]

Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom are qpr goals and I will die on this hill

[deepperplexity]

Prompt 17: Truthful Longing [A4]

Pairing: Colonel Brandon x Fem!OC

POV: First, OC

Continuation of: Prompt 1. December Moon [A1], Prompt 5. Open Doors [A2], Prompt 11. Out Of Reach [A3]

A/N: You guys 😭 This part is— Gosh, I love it and I’m just a mess of tears and happy feels after finishing today’s fic 😭👏 Gosh, I do so hope you’ll love this - and please send some good vibes and extra energy my way today if you can (it’s accounting day, AND I’m doing corrections to my accounting before it’s time to do income taxes in January… I hate accounting, I just wanna write my silly little books and marvel at torturing my characters before they get their HEA but nooooo…. Gotta do accounting and deal with taxes and this is NOT the vibe for Rickmas Season 😒) ❤

Tags/TW’s: Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Revealing Secrets, Kissing, ALL THE DAMN LOVELY LANGUAGE AND SPEECH, Proposal, Light Grovelling, Light Pleading, Threat Of Miscommunication (Instantly Resolved), ALL THE BRANDON LOVE

Word Count: 1.3k

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Truthful Longing

His eyes widened, shock and worry filling them, as I let my tears roll down my cheeks. “I have to leave,” I said, rising so swiftly the delicate chair toppled. He stood just as quickly. “Leave? I cannot in good conscience—” “Sir, you are making my life unbearable.” He stiffened, the shock an worry exchanged with something more painful. “I— I am at a loss. You view me with such harshness, such darkness in your eyes, and I cannot fathom what I have done to earn your disdain…” “It is not disdain, Colonel Brandon,” I forced out, stiffening my spine and hardening my heart in preparation for the hurt soon to attack it. “You— Forgive me for being blunt—” I snivelled and tried to steady my voice “—but you are the loss breaking my heart, sir.”

He took a step back, his chest rising with a deep breath. “I cannot—” “I have enough honour not to detain your attention when it is hopeless, when a fraud is playing out and you— I cannot be dishonest with you and nor can I be honest. I am at the losing end whichever way I turn,” I admitted, feeling pain sear my core and burn my soul as his eyes sought answers in mine. “I will not sully my mother’s teachings, her legacy, with lies or tricks. I will not—” “What lies? What deceit? What tricks do you speak of? You have told me nothing, miss. I am breaking in earnest for your confidence, wishing to leave for the world yet foolishly remaining here with a shrivel of a hope that you would send word, extend an invitation, seek me as my heart has sought you long before I knew of your existence.”

He had walked up to me while speaking in fervour, I had stepped back and he’d followed with demanding eyes of endless depth. His words — poetic and romantic in speech — were laden with hurt and anguish. I must tell him. “Sir, please… I am no match for you, or your heart.” “So you cast me aside, without the courtesy of reason? Am I to be left wondering for the rest of my life what I did to cause you such disdain for me when I saw in your eyes that same longing as the one you made erupt within my heart at first glance?” “I will marry before the year is out,” I whispered, standing on shaking legs with a queasy stomach and wet cheeks. “I have no choice. Not anymore…” “So that is your dire situation?” “No…” I said, not wanting to lie to him. “That is the result of my situation, my family’s situation…” “Speak plainly, please,” he urged and the contrite look of his handsome features would forever be written on the walls of my heart.

I took a step back, grasping my dress with white-knuckled force. “We have lost everything, and I must marry before the year is out… If I do not, my father’s façade will fall as we will fall from good grace and no affluent man shall have me. I will lose my protection, my safety, and those are the last things I am holding on to. All else I have dreamed of has already been ripped from me. You… I cannot be dishonest with you, colonel. I cannot allow the fraud to harm—” “Marry me.” I blinked. “W-what?” “Marry me. Let it be me, and I shall endeavour for the remainder of my life to please you and make you happy. I will do all in my power to restore the things ripped from you even if the love will be one-sided in our marriage. Perhaps you could come to like me, at some point in time if my efforts are great enough.”

We stood in silence. Looking at each other. Had he completely missed every point I made of my love for him? I missed every point he made of his genuine want for me. Can— Despite everything, did I perhaps not lose my chance with him?

“Miss Haymnick, please, do not look at me as if I have offended your very eyes with my grovelling for your hand. I am ashamed enough as is,” he murmured, the tips of his ears reddening as he looked away and to the side. His perfect profile was a marvel to gaze upon even in the upheaval of emotions fluttering and flitting through me. “I should be the one grovelling, sir… You have not left my mind since I saw you gallop through the gates in a spray of snow so far away my call of your name did not reach you…”

Brandon whipped his head around, his gentle eyes painted with disbelief. “You called for me?” I nodded. “You went after me?” he continued and I nodded once more, my stomach still utterly tied in harsh knots. “You are the only man I have ever met who touched my heart and forced my soul to bare itself even in my features.”

Brandon stepped closer, and I stood still. “Your features are expressive.” “No, sir. You make them that way,” I confessed. “The first look of disgust was a reflection of the conversation I held with a woman regarding you, and just one look at you had my heart in a trip and hearing her strip you down to wealth pained me in a manner it usually does not. I was disgusted, by that, not your handsome face.” “I believe I accused you of lying at that point.” “I cannot lie to you, even to my own detriment and downfall.”

He stepped closer. “Then I ask again, will you allow me the honour of your hand as I ask fully aware of your dire situation and my own selfish hope of it swaying you toward me as a husband?”

My head tilted as he took another step toward me, forcing me to lean back to keep eye contact. “I…” Can I marry him and force the soon-to-be eruption of gossip and our family’s downfall upon him? Can I accept that he is aware of this and still wishes for me to be by his side? “Miss, you are forcing my breath to stall. Say yes,” he murmured as his hand reached up and cupped my chin. I shivered as a lightning bolt shot through my entire body at the contact. The warmth of his fingers, the sturdy yet soft grip, the unfailing hold his eye had on mine — I was lost to him.

“Say yes, Miss Haymnick. Say yes despite the flaws I have and the manner you seem to wish for me to remain unaffected by your situation. Say yes. I will beg for your hand if needed. I will beg for those beautiful eyes to each day look upon me. I will—” “Yes…” I whispered. “Yes, Colonel Brandon.” He softened before me, letting out a breath of relief. “Christopher,” he said while leaning in. “Calliope…” I replied as his soft eyes warmed when my breath fanned his face. “Calliope,” he repeated and I nearly fainted at hearing my name spoken with ardency and want in his deep voice. Never had my name sounded so perfect. Never had a touch felt so magical. Never had I thought a man such as he would come to my rescue and save my heart.

“I am a desperate man in your vicinity, my Calliope.” It was the only warning he offered before his lips pressed against mine. I whimpered at the warmth and all the dreams I’d ever had of my first kiss faded to dull greys in the face of reality. The warmth of him seeped into me from the connection, his free arm snaked around my waist as his lips pressed harder yet remained delicate and soft. My hands went to his shoulders and the smell of wind filled my nose as his fingers slipped from my chin to the side of my face as he angled my head and I melted in his arms — throwing propriety out the window.

To Be Continued...

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NEXT PART » Prompt 20: Wrongful Perceptions [A5]

A/N: WAAAAAAAAH 😭👏 I love them so much and they are such fumbling idiots speaking in beautiful words but not hearing each other until it’s truly spelt out. BUT NOW THEY’RE FINALLY HEARING EACH OTHER - and I’m in loooooove ❤❤❤

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[dr-futbol-blog]

Letters from Pegasus, Pt. 3

McKay catches up to Ford in a corridor, seeming suddenly to be brimming with energy and good mood despite apparently having slept very little recently:

Ford: Are you ready to record your message? McKay: Already done. Actually, I took the liberty of doing mine in private. Now, it may require some, uh, editing. Ford: Editing. McKay: Yeah, I, uh, I went on a bit. Actually, I used the entire tape. Ford: You talked for an hour? McKay: You see, I found it rather therapeutic, actually.

What is noticeable here is that this McKay is the polar opposite of the one we saw previously. The entire concept of recording messages to Earth seemed to make him very uncomfortable, even sad. And now he seems to have changed his mind to an extent that he actually has to offer Ford an explanation for why he has done this sudden 180 turn on the mater. But his explanation is just an excuse. When we look at the contents of the message(s) he recorded, we get better insight as to his motivation.

I previously mentioned the humorous pastiche on leadership that we find in McKay's recording. Yes, he has been thinking about leadership recently. He has his own department and there is an unbelievable pressure on him in particular to make sure that Atlantis remains viable, that everything works. That all manner of life-threatening problems are solved. This pastiche is humorous to the audience because we are not asked to look at him as a leader but as the magic science man, the comic relief, not because he is not a leader or might not have anything of note to say about leadership.

He does bear the heavy burden of leadership himself but having met and gotten to know John Sheppard is also among the reasons why he has been thinking about leadership so much. He admires Sheppard, and we have seen him emulate him on multiple occasions. When he is at a loss of what to do, he does what he thinks Sheppard would do. He sees Sheppard as confident, capable, strategic, with an iron will and a big heart. Someone who inspires others, who takes care of others. Someone to look up to. He would follow Sheppard to the gates of Hell (or to a Hive, which he has already done several times).

Only, Sheppard himself does not see it like that. Sheppard is very uncomfortable in the role of a leader. The responsibility of authority is a heavy weight and due to his patriarchal family, he has been more or less rebelling against authority his whole life. At the end of the episode, he records a message to the family of Col. Sumner, whose life he was forced to take as an act of mercy and whose death is the reason this leadership role had been thrust upon him. He tells us: "He died with honour and courage in the performance of his duty. He carried the burden of a leader, and he carried it well. I didn't get the chance to know him well, but I know this: considering the type of man he was, and what we're up against, well, I wish he was still here."

In his own mind, John Sheppard is a fraud. He's not half the man Col. Sumner was. Sheppard has made one mistake after another because he is weak, and it is his inability not to feel that makes him weak. His love gets people killed, his love compromises the people he cares about, his love has caused him to make bad calls and wrong decisions, his love makes him see things a little different, his love is forbidden by the rules and regulations of the military he serves and, according to them, for good reason. He is not a leader. His leadership is a charade. If his men knew what he was, they would not follow him. If his superiors knew what he did, they would remove his command. He is wrong in all of this, of course, but that is how he feels. While they can read many things from each other's faces, see what the other person is thinking or feeling, neither man can see themselves through the other's eyes.

Because the character of Rodney McKay is often used as a comic relief in the show, it's sometimes difficult to see the more serious side of him. We are distracted by by his energy, his verbosity, his larger than life persona, so as not to fully comprehend the impact of some of the things he says, to not take them seriously or at face value. This actually started with his introduction in the main show. In Redemption, he has this exchange with Carter:

McKay: I always wanted to be a pianist. Carter: Excuse me?! McKay: A concert pianist. You know, a guy who plays the piano in front of lots of people? Carter: Right. McKay: What did you think I said? Carter: Never mind.

This is made humorous by the fact that Carter hears him saying "penis" instead of "pianist" which, as an aside, just goes to show that Carter does not believe he is straight for a moment. Annoying yes, irritating to be sure, but not straight. Carter's mind interpreted him as saying that he wanted penis like that was a thing that he might have said tells us that McKay has a certain context in her mind. But anyway, this exchange and the fact he is portrayed as comic relief conceals the impact of what he actually tells Carter:

I had a not-so-comfortable childhood. My parents hated each other, blamed me. Music… was my salvation. It had this… perfect order for me. When I was twelve, my teacher told me to quit. A fine clinical player, he said, but no sense of the art whatsoever. I turned to science because I thought it would be different than music, but it isn't, it's just the same. It's just as much of an art as anything else.

He was abused from a very young age and had no safe adults in his life. He needed to be saved so he attempted to save himself. It is absolutely heart-breaking.

This episode uses the same trope. The serious stuff is hidden within the comedy. But we learn many things about McKay:

This is Doctor Rodney McKay speaking to you from my base of operations in the lost city of Atlantis, located deep within the Pegasus galaxy. I record this message on the eve of our darkest hour. As I speak, an alien armada of biblical proportions is on its way, bent… dare I say hellbent--in keeping with the metaphor--on our destruction. We will do our best to stave off their attack but I am afraid that defeat is all but inevitable. I, and the other members of my team, face the most horrific deaths imaginable, as our very lives are sucked from our chests in a, in a, horrific… OK, starting again, starting again. Ford, just, just, cut that, alright?

McKay starts his message confidently. He is clearly a practiced public speaker as an academic. But as soon as he mentions the horrific deaths potentially faced by members of his team, he trails off, shifting his eyes in a way that shows him thinking about something particular connected to the topic of "his team". As soon as he thinks of Sheppard, he loses the thread of his though. This cuts directly to Sheppard and Teyla helplessly watching the wraith attack. When he is recording this, he is sure that they're all going to die. There's nothing that he can do to save the people he cares about. He uses the same term, alien armada, as Sheppard did because they've clearly been talking about this, just the two of them. His message then continues:

My friends. I'm Doctor Rodney McKay of the Atlantis expedition, and as the facts of our heroic struggle against the Wraith and our untimely demise are already known to you, in that light, I'd like to pass along some final thoughts. Now, my extensive education, training and first-hand experience in the field of astrophysics has given me a unique perspective that few on Earth or, well, on any other planet for that matter, can match. I'd like to take a few moments now to pass along that perspective to you. I'll begin with a few observations on a subject that is both near and dear to my heart: leadership.

He is recording this to an audience, addressing the whole thing to "my friends," being the US military. He addresses Ford several times. He is clearly performing. While recording Beckett's message, Ford was concerned with his use of the term 'earthling' as breaking security protocol where pretty much every word McKay is saying here would never make it past any security check. The made it clear that just the notion they were from Earth would be enough to make sure the tape would never get sent further than SGC. Note also that the concept of leadership is both near and dear to his heart. While they were discussing in the jumper, Teyla used the term 'dear friend'. Also, he is heroic and he does have a unique perspective, as in Sheppard's words, a little different. Even now, at the eve of their untimely demise he's thinking about other people and how he might help them. He believes that sharing his perspective here actually is something that people might find useful down the line. And one of the ways in which he is helping Sheppard is making sure that Ford and other members of the military that might be watching the tape understand that he likes blonde women very much:

I almost caught mono kissing a girl in Algebra Club. Missed an entire month of school. Still, the kiss was something, so it was... probably worth it. April Bingham--cute blonde! God--you see, I love blondes, especially with the the short hair. Samantha Carter--if you're watching, the torch is still burning--sadly, soon to be extinguished, but… You know, you should know--I think you are just so, well, you're great--you're really, really great, and I would go so far as saying you're the hottest scientist I've ever worked with. In fact, there's probably not a night that goes by that I don't find myself, uh… OK, Ford, let's, let's lose that. And let's get back to… leadership.

The first time that he kissed a girl he actually got sick. Like, really sick. And not from the mono, apparently. He also missed a whole month of school which was a bigger deal to him. He doesn't seem to know how to feel about the whole thing. He says the kiss was "something," lifting his brows to indicate that what ever it was, it wasn't good. Also, he does not say that this was the first time he kissed a girl. This is the only confirmed time he has kissed a girl, so it might even be the only time he kissed a girl. The only time we know of, anyway, besides Carter pecking him on the cheek to mess with him. He also does not say that this was his first kiss, only that he once kissed a girl.

He has said that he likes blondes previously, and this is just the easiest type of woman to fancy if you're doing it as a performance. Gentlemen prefer blondes, it's a whole trope in itself. But we have to make note of the fact that the following episode (The Gift, S01E18) actually textualizes the fact that he lies about his interest in women but, because it was aired after this episode, it's again a case of being asked to re-interpret earlier scenes in light of later information. Here, he says that he loves blondes like that's a completely normal thing for a heterosexual man to say to a woman, especially if his intention had been to genuinely come on to one. It tells us that in spite of having met some formidable women, he just does not see women as people. Further, he is saying all of this to Ford and to Carter. He even tells Ford "Well, enjoy!" as he leaves him with the tape; he speaks directly to Ford multiple times, I don't know how much clearer it could be made that he recorded all of this with Ford watching it in mind--and he tells Ford that he's not even bothered if his message won't make it through the gate.

What's interesting is that we actually see a heterosexual version of McKay in an alternate reality in the SG-1 episode The Road Not Taken. Unlike the McKay of Moebius who was essentially the same as our McKay but whose life had taken on an alternative course (he is from the same timeline that had split into a different future), the McKay in this reality is not the same as ours. He is one of the "infinite variations of our own known reality where alternate versions of you and I play out events in ways you can't possibly imagine," as explained by McKay in Vegas (S05E19), where we also find either a heterosexual Sheppard--or at least one that prefers women. McKay of this reality is married (not to Keller, who still has her maiden name), so the Vegas-McKay may even be married to Carter himself. Or some dude, what ever. By that time it was legal in Canada, after all. The point is, these two men (Vegas-Sheppard and TRNT-McKay) are not the same as ours, they come from alternate realities and it's interesting that for both of them, one of the most significant things that is different are their respective sexualities.

TRNT McKay has been married to Carter and they have since divorced. Given that Carter seems to have clocked that our McKay is gay, it's also interesting to note that the first thing that McKay suspects of Carter is that she--his ex-wife--is a lesbian. What's fascinating and definitely underlooked is the fact McKay of this reality has married an Air Force Major (Carter is Lt. Colonel by this time in our reality so the fact that he was still a Major in that reality is something). The way this McKay behaves toward Carter, who he has actually married and presumably has had sex with, is almost the polar opposite of the McKay of our world:

Carter: Hi, Rodney. Thank you for seeing me. McKay: Well, why wouldn't I? I mean, we're still friends, aren't we? Saw you on TV. Well, recorded you, actually. Not that I watched it more than once. I mean, I recorded it in order to watch you once--How can I help you?

He is not being sleazy but is almost shy, here. He is nervous, stumbling over his own words. He is going out of his way to show Carter that he respects her and does not just think of her a sex object. When he accidentally makes it sound weird, makes it sound like he might have been doing something that would violate her boundaries, he quickly backtracks and makes sure that she understand that it wasn't like that. These scenes are paralleled in how it is implied that he may have been entertaining himself in private with the thought of her. Only, in their world he is making sure that she understand that he wasn't doing that whereas in our world, he is implying to her that he definitely 100% was. Their McKay is clearly still in love with Carter, has had sex with her, is a "dot-com billionaire" (Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark without the alter-ego)--in other words, who has no need to project heterosexuality on to the world, and definitely not to convince Carter of this fact.

The fact that Carter knows that our McKay is prone to doing exactly something like what he does while he is recording these messages is lampshaded in the episode:

Carter: The Rodney I know is a master of subtle persuasion. McKay: Huh... Oh, you're lying again, aren't you?

Subtle he is not. There's nothing subtle in what we see on his tape.

We can compare these two Rodneys. In the first scene, here, he is having a quick private thought about his ex-wife having sex with another woman:

In the second, he has a quick private thought about someone with short hair.

Now, McKay says "you see, I love blondes, especially with the... the short hair." He starts off talking about blondes which is what he means to be talking about. But as soon as he mentions short hair, his mind clearly wanders off track. He is not thinking about blondes with short hair, there is clearly a pause between his thinking of blondes and his thinking of someone with short hair. And then he suddenly snaps out of his reverie and returns to the topic: Samantha Carter! Blonde, short hair. That's what he was supposed to be talking about. But between April Bingham and Samantha Carter, he zoned out entirely thinking about someone with short hair. And, well. We know that he has spent more than a few moments thinking about Sheppard's hair over the years.

What McKay is explicitly saying is that he doesn't think scientists generally are a particularly hot bunch, and as soon as his mind goes to hot people he's working with, it shifts from there to something he frequently does at night... which also makes him jump down from his chair. It is implied, of course, that he pleasures himself thinking about Carter but, then. He cuts from what he does at night directly back to... leadership. That is the association he makes. He has to swallow down as he speaks the word because he's clearly thinking about something inappropriate, and it is not Carter he has been thinking about in connection with leadership previously in the recordings.

He continues:

Never cared for dogs: too much work, too needy, too unpredictable. I mean, you leave one door open, the tiniest little cracks, and they're gone. You look for them, you put up fliers--it's no use--and since your father refused to pay for a license, the Animal Shelter has no way of tracking them. Y'know, God knows what happened to that little guy. Now cats--now that's a whole different story. Cats are self-sufficient, they're dependable; you shake the box, they come running--cynics would say it's because of the food but my cat… see, I truly believe he enjoys my company. There's something very comforting about coming home from work at the end of the day and having a familiar face waiting for you, you know? Still--I digress. Where was I? Uh, right. Leadership.

Now, I'm not saying McKay doesn't love his pussycat back home. I'm sure the cat is important to him. This whole thing could be read as a metaphor for bisexuality only, both of the animals here are "guys" and this seems to be much more allegoric of Sheppard and Mckay's personalities than anyone's sexual orientation.

Here we are told that McKay actually loves dogs, and it was due to the abuse he received from his father when he was young that he has now learned to say that he prefers cats. He actually loved that dog that he describes in a similar way to how one could describe Sheppard (shepherd obviously being a sheep dog; McKay even makes a reference to leaving the door open to find them gone when we just saw Sheppard leave the jumper door open as he left Teyla to do some reconnaissance back on the alien planet), and losing "that little guy" had been traumatic to him. So he got a pet that would be there and never leave him--only, this isn't what McKay is looking for. Sheppard needs someone that will never leave him, McKay is looking for someone that accepts him unconditionally--like a dog. In other words, McKay is the cat who wants a dog in his life and Sheppard is the dog who needs a cat in his life.

McKay describes the cat as a familiar face waiting for you when you get back home, and that's not what cats are stereotypically like. That is what dogs are like. Cat's don't really care if you're around where dogs are excited to see you come back home. He's talking about his cat but he is describing his love for a dog. He is talking about one thing while describing an entirely other thing at the same time. McKay himself is the cat, self-sufficient, dependable, and comes running when you shake the box. Sheppard is the dog, needy and waiting for you when you come home. Like he was earlier in the meeting. Needy and waiting for him to come home from work.

Each one of these entries ends on the topic of leadership because McKay is thinking about Sheppard. Everything he talks about, he is thinking about Sheppard. And when he says "There's something very comforting about coming home from work at the end of the day and having a familiar face waiting for you," he's not talking about the cat he left for his neighbour to take care of months ago. He is talking about his life right now, here on Atlantis. He told Ford that he has slept only six hours in the past several days, he has clearly been sleeping in the lab, and he has been unable to go back home. And it's not the quarters, old or new or better than their current ones, that is his home. It's the person who is waiting for him. The face that is most familiar to him is the face of the man he can read like an open book.

This is a confirmation of the fact that, at this time, they are most definitely bunking together. And, you know. What ever happens there is their business but the show has gone out of its way to let us know that they do, in fact, sleep in the same place.

The further the recording goes on, the more we find him rambling on about random things:

That's another sight I'll die without having seen. See--to be fair, when you've travelled as much as I've travelled, you'd think that missing Niagara Falls would be no big deal, but you know what? It gnaws at you. A lot of movies I wish I'd seen and won't see now. Never saw "Grease", even though I had a thing for Olivia Newton John when I was a kid. Always wanted to see "Ghandi"; only saw the first half of "The Sixth Sense"--always wondered how that ended. My sister! Ford, if you cut everything else, just keep this part, OK? Jeannie? This is your brother, Rodney… obviously! I wanna say… I wanna say something. Family is important. I've come to realise that because the people here have become a sort of a… kind of a surrogate family to me. Now, I know what you're thinking: I've never really been the poster child for that kind of sentiment but when… when one is contemplating ones own demise, one tends to see things more clearly. I really do wish you the best, you know, and I'm sorry we weren't closer. Perhaps, if by chance I make it out of this, perhaps one day we can be, and I would like that. Now--if there's time I'd like to go back to the subject of leadership.

He is musing about Niagara Falls, one of the most romantic places on Earth where people frequently get married, and about watching films where he had just recently been informed about the kinds of films Sheppard likes (cheesy sci-fi), and may have thought about the kinds of films he might like to watch with him that he himself likes. Things he would like to share with another person. Apparently ones starring Olivia-Newton John and John Travolta, and written by John Briley. I'm not saying that his brain has one track but apparently there's a lot of JohnJohnJohn going on there.

I want to highlight the fact that it is the film The Sixth Sense that finally reminds him of his sister. Again, the scene is supposed to be humourous because the film has a well-known twist-ending. Having missed the ending that everybody knows about is supposed to be comedic irony. He says that he has only seen the first half of the film, and is suddenly reminded of his sister. The first half of the film is about a child that is seeing a psychiatrist who suspects that his patient must be the victim of child abuse. It's pretty dark that it's this troubled, scared child that reminds him of his sister.

Also, later on (McKay and Mrs Miller, S03E08) Sheppard has this exact recording on his laptop. John Sheppard has this recording on his laptop. There is absolutely no reason why he should have it and how he would even have gotten his hands on it unless McKay gave it to him. He not only let Sheppard see it, probably watched it with him, but actually allowed and wanted for him to have a copy of it. McKay was doing this whole song and dance for Sheppard. Weir ends her own message to the families of the fallen soldiers with "I do wish I could tell you more. I'm sure you understand as a military family" again emphasizing the fact that being a member of the military requires an extra mile not just from them but also from their families. And Rodney McKay is also military family by this time. Because he loves a member of the military, there are things required of him that go above and beyond the duties of a civilian.

And the thing is, they both share this sentiment about having found a family on Atlantis. Explicitly so. In Sateda (S03E04), Sheppard and Teyla have this conversation:

Sheppard: Look, Teyla. I'm not really good at... Actually, I'm... I'm terrible at expressing... I don't know what you'd call it... Teyla: Feelings? Sheppard: Yeah, sure, OK. The point is, I don't really have good... Teyla: Social skills. Sheppard: Well, that is why I enjoyed flying choppers in the most remote part of my world before all this craziness happened, but you should know, I don't have... Teyla: Friends? Sheppard: No--I have friends! You, Elizabeth, Ronon, Carson, even Rodney, are the closest thing I have to a... Teyla: A family? Sheppard: I'd do anything... for any one of you. If I had to give up my life the way Ronon was going to, I would.

This is the same exact thought that McKay expresses on the recording that Sheppard has later watched. Sheppard also considers the people he has found on Atlantis as his family. I've discussed previously why he places McKay ("even Rodney") in the final position before (he attempts to mitigate the emotional impact by saying the most important thing last). But here, there is also an actual categorical difference between McKay and the others he mentions.

Yes, he considers all of them family but out of them, McKay is the only one of them who belongs to that second family one forms when one leaves one's birth family or family of origin to make a new family with a partner. The others he mentions are his "found family," a concept with which many non-heterosexual people are familiar with. A found family or family of choice is "a group of people without any blood relation that supports and cares for someone the same way family members would." They are that to him. McKay is his conjugal family, and there is a whole other set of responsibilities (and also privileges) that comes with that. And Sheppard also emphasized the fact his family are not his friends, they are different from that.

The discussion they have on Sateda rhymes with this episode in that Teyla and Sheppard are discussing the topic of family on Orin's planet while McKay is recording his message:

Teyla: Orin was a good friend of my father. Sheppard: I agreed to warn him. Teyla: If someone close to your family--a dear friend--was in danger of being taken by the Wraith, would you have not done the same? Sheppard: Not if it jeopardised the mission.

At the end of the episode, Sheppard says the following: "I'm not sure if Colonel Sumner's parents are still alive. Um, I'm not sure he even has a family back there--not all of us do."

Sheppard does not feel like he has a family back on Earth. As far as he is concerned, he has been disowned by his father and abandoned by his brother. He is clearly uncomfortable discussing the topic with Teyla. He does, however, consider Atlantis his home. Months ago, in The Storm (S01E09) he told Teyla: "Well, maybe in time this place will start to begin to feel like home." And later on, he confesses to the same person that he thinks of these people as his family. Sheppard and McKay feel exactly the same way about their situation. Atlantis is home and the people therein are family. They are family to each other.

And it's also interesting that the difference between a family and a dear friend is emphasized in this episode. Many people find it strange that McKay calls Beckett his best friend later on. But the thing is, McKay and Sheppard were never friends. They have never been friends. They are family but, in spite of just having an entire episode about brotherhood, they are not brothers, they are not cousins, they are not uncles or parents or nephews to one another. They are family but in a very different way than they are family to the others. They share between them that bond that is deeper than words, my friend, deeper than words.

There's a pretty famous scene in BTVS in which Spike shares his observation of Buffy and Angel's relationship:

Spike: The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly-eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave. Buffy: I don't know what you're talking about. Spike: Oh, yeah. You're just friends. Angel: That's right. Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children. It's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Family is different from dear friends. Family is having a familiar face waiting for you when you come back home. Especially if you have been pulling late-nighters at the lab and this familiar face usually stays up longer than you. It is home to each other these two are trying to get to every moment they are apart.

Continued in Pt. 4

[themalhambird]

There, in black and white, is photographic proof of Alfred Hillinghead’s damnation. 

It doesn’t matter if the photograph is staged. There’s no way that he can prove that, not quickly enough- and even if he could, it wouldn’t matter. To whom could Hillinghead take hypothetical proof of this fraud- this deep rooted corruption? The Chief Inspector is squarely in Harker’s pocket. Doubtless a large number of London’s judiciary are as well- they all run in the same sort of circles, the Sirs, the My Lords, the Your Honours of the world. And even if he could persuade one of them to believe him- there’s a couple of judges and a handful of magistrates that he considers friends, in a professional capacity at least, and he’s 

certain that any of them would at least hear him out…but what then? So this photograph is a set up, eh? Why yes, my lord. So you’re not a homosexual? Well actually, my lord…

Hillinghead clenches his fist, digging his nails into the palm of his hand so hard that it hurts. The pain is good, because it blocks out the distractions from the matter at hand- it stops him from giving in to the urge to either swing round and throw a punch straight at Harker’s face, or to fall to his knees and blubber like- 

A queer?  the nasty little voice inside his head whispers. 

-like a child, Hillinghead thinks loudly, stamping down on that voice with a mental foot. Now is not the time to break into pieces- he can do that after he has found a way to keep everyone safe- Polly and Charlotte, and Henry alike. Harker may still be talking, or he may not- Hillinghead doesn’t care to hear another word he says anyway. His own face stares up at him accusingly, and the image of himself in the arms of a dead man is burning itself into Hillinghead’s brain. 

***

If he didn’t feel— a deep regard and friendship for Henry, if Ashe were instead some faceless stranger— Hillinghead would still refuse to frame him. The law is the law: if they cannot find, or they cannot find the evidence needed to convict, the real killer the police do not get to pluck out some other unfortunate, inconvenient soul to swing for the offence. If Harker wants to fabricate evidence- fabricate a respectable reason for lurking in a segment of the city famous for its  sodomites and its prostitutes, buy a jury, and be found innocent of any involvement. Write The Star off as a rabble-rousing rag fit only for kindling, which anybody who’s opinion might impact on Sir Julian Harker  probably believes already. And in the meantime he, Hillinghead would despise every second of watching it happen- would smoulder with a white hot rage that he can’t prove that it’s happening- but he would be helpless to prevent it and it would at least leave him out of the perversion. Moreover, it has a better chance of clearing Harker in the public eye than framing Ashe ever does. A journalist accuses a wealthy man of colluding with the police force to shield him murder charges, and that same police force turns around and charges the journalist with the crime? It's an insultingly obvious attempt at framing someone, and Hillinghead would wonder why Harker, who’s allegedly clever, cannot see the flaws in this scheme of his. But deep down he knows: mighty men cannot resist the chance their power gives them to punish lesser men for catching glimpses of their sin. This isn’t meant to clear Sir Julian’s good name so much as it’s meant to punish Henry and Alfred both for tracking mud on it in the first place. It’s a crime so severe in Harker’s eyes that Henry has to die for it and he, Hillinghead, must live either with killing his lover, or with seeing his wife and daughter dragged down into ignominy and disgrace by his weakness. Those are the only two futures, in Sir Julian Harker’s world, and the world would probably bend Sir Julian’s way, except the bastard drugged him, laid him out in a dead man’s embrace, and then let him keep a copy of the photos. 

He needs to get Henry out of town. Hillinghead’s plan- the plan teetering on the very edges of his mind, the plan that he’s too afraid to properly acknowledge until he absolutely has to- does not work if there’s a brash, idealistic hothead armed with a printing press getting under foot and tripping it up. Besides, Hillinghead framing Ashe might satisfy whatever poetic notions Harker indulges in, but a stitch up would work just as well if another officer held the needle, and either Harker or the Chief Inspector might refuse to…….

It all came down to which of them was considered the greater threat. Hillinghead’s money would be on Henry every time. The man is braver, and more tenacious, and more honest than Alfred in every way- Hillinghead dropping his pursuit of Harker in no way guaranteed that Ashe would roll over, and go away. So Hillinghead needs to get Henry out of town, give him no option but to flee London and lie down low somewhere until everything is over, and there’s an obvious way of doing that. It will make the man hate him, but better Henry hate him and live than love him and die. The walk between the station and Henry’s apartment is exactly long enough to irrevocably fix Hillinghead’s resolve and when he knocks at the door, he savours these last few seconds of Henry Ashe believing that Alfred Hillinghead is worth something. 

***

He returns to the station to write out a confession, and gives it to the chief inspector. Then he heads home, for what he is painfully aware will be the last time in his life. 

The problem with blackmail is that there’s no such thing as a one off payment. Hillinghead has seen it happen before: once becomes twice, twice becomes thrice, and thrice becomes an adulterous husband pawning family jewels - then accusing the servants of theft when his wife notices her favourite earrings are missing. It becomes a governess stabbing a footman for holding knowledge of her bastard over her head until the money dries up and desperation takes control. “They’ll never stop fucking you”, Henry had said- but Hillinghead already knew that: it is the only thing allowing him to make a little piece with how badly he was about to hurt Charlotte. If he had been willing to turn on Henry, he might’ve spared her some more immediate pain-  but what then? He could do everything that Harker asked of him from now until the second coming of Christ, and if it becomes more expedient to him than having an easily replaceable, dirty Detective Inspector on the books, Harker would still be able to “expose” those photographs- only by  that time, there would be a whole litany of other, real offences that could be used to drag Hillinghead down and how many other Henrys- how many other innocents- would have been harmed in the meantime? Better that the pain should come sooner, and so be over sooner- although perhaps that’s his own cowardice talking. After all, if Harker is appeased by what he’s done (he wonders if the Chief Inspector has gone to Harker already; he wonders how little time he has left to make his apologies) he’ll only have to face the world’s derision for as long as it takes him to end up on  the gallows.

If Hillinghead had done as Harker wanted, then in ten-twenty-maybe even thirty years time, Charlotte would find herself to be the wife of a crooked, corrupt officer sentenced- to jail, to death, it hardly mattered which. The outcome would be the same: Charlotte would be shunned from society and, for those ten-twenty-thirty years, Alfred very much doubted that their marriage would continue to be as amicable as it had been. Guilt- about Harker, about Henry- would, he knew, make him withdraw in ever growing shame. He wouldn’t be able to help himself. She’d become a widow long before she had to put him in a grave. On the other hand, if Hillinghead had done nothing and Harker made good on his threat, then Charlotte became publicly scorned as the wife of a sodomite and an alleged murderer, subject to all sorts of scrutiny from the broadsheets and speculation from the gutter press as a trial fed public interest in the scandal. If she stood by him, she would be tainted by suspicion: how much did she know, when did she know it, how was it possible for a wife not to know that she’s sharing a bed with a killer? If she denounced him, she would be branded as unfeeling- heartless, even. A good wife was loyal to her husband no matter the circumstances, no matter how bad his prospects looked…and if she believes in his guilt, then why wait until it all became public to come forward? Why not voice her suspicions to the proper authorities herself?

But Alfred has signed a written confession. There will be no trial. He will be arrested, and he will be executed, and Charlotte will be allowed to be horrified and heartbroken and innocent of any prior inkling of his crime because his confession specifically states that he committed the murder in panic because his victim threatened to inform his wife of a brief affair, long over. Most importantly, she will be free of him with as little notoriety attached to having been his wife as possible under the circumstances. 

She’s a beautiful woman, Charlotte. She is beautiful, she is kind, and she is strong. Someone out there will fall in love with her: Alfred hopes that, within the limited set of choices he could have made,  he has done enough to preserve her respectability, to engender compassion, even, for her situation- to leave her, once widowed, in a place where she is able to marry again if she wants to. She still has a whole lifetime ahead of her, and the best amends that he can make to her for the mess that he’s made is to maximise her chances for happiness once the dust has had a chance to settle. As for Polly…she will have her mother. And he hopes that she’ll still have some fond memories of her father- that she won’t despise him, not entirely. He loves them both- he loves Henry too-and he does not regret, in the end, trying to uncover the truth. He loved being Detective Inspector Hillinghead. And for the last time, he opens his front door and is embraced by the music that his daughter is playing.

[elenwen-and-ondolemar]

A letter to the esteemed First Emissary and Lord Chief Justiciar. Throughout my many long years of traveling across Cyrodiil following the ravages of the Great War, I took it on myself to make a study of correspondences of the Imperial Soldiers and those letters that the priesthood allowed me to peruse from their records. In these letters and records, I would often come across something rather stimulating and odd, that I would appreciate getting your learned opinions on. Specifically the case of Elven men and women of the Empire, giving praise and worship to the God Talos. Though this was not uncommon in the latter days of the Septim Empire, it is still something of note, and I am rather curious as to what the Official opinion of the Thalmor is on these Mer (Bosmers, Dunmers, and Altmers alike) worshipping what became known as the God of Man. And on a more personal level what your personal opinions are on the matter. Simply a case of assimilation into the mainstream culture of the Septim Empire, where the Eight and One became synonymous with the faith in the Aedra?

But if so, how does one explain the exploits of the reknowned healer Gureryne Selvilo, a Dunmer of Chorral providence, who alone saved hundreds of Imperial Partisans during the war who seemed to give praise to Talos above all others? Were it not for his disappearance after the war I would query him myself, but alas no trace can be found of this hero. So again I ask for your commentary on this phenomena of the Septim Empire, and of those few Elves who may still follow Talos to this day. With Regards, Primate Rurik Dralgoner of the Temple of the One

Elenwen: I do not find it very surprising that some Cyrodiil-bred elves have acknowledged Talos as one of the Nine. The people of Cyrodiil trusted in their priests and Emperor, as is natural. Thankfully, your cult no longer promotes the false worship of Talos. All your faithful are better guided as a result.

Ondolemar: It doesn't surprise me either that your devotee to Talos was a Dunmer. The Dunmer have been afflicted by a terrible spiritual disorientation, ever since their false gods were cast down and exposed as frauds. Many in Morrowind have returned to the Daedra, others to a more basic form of ancestor worship. Still others honour the Aedra, following either the ancient Aldmeri forms or the rituals of the Imperial cult. Very few of these new converts focused upon Talos as a patron. As Ambassador Elenwen says, Cyrodiil-assimilated mer came to accept Talos as a part of the Imperial faith, but his presence in the pantheon rarely inspired them. But, in a time of spiritual disorientation, searchers will find all sorts of strange rituals and beliefs. Since the priest in question is lost, very likely a casualty of the last war, we may never know what drove him to prize Talos so highly. It is a pity that a mer who had officially pledged himself to Stendarr could not find the fullness of mercy and healing in his own patron.

I would also wish that our own people followed the forms and creeds prescribed by our ancestors, but we recognize that mer who have left behind Alinor may be long-distanced from that tradition. It is not our duty to police any worship save for the illegal veneration of Talos.

[forensicated]

Smiffina Episodes - Good Cop Bad Cop

Whilst Gina is still away and Smithy is still Acting Inspector, this is obviously a huge impact on their relationship - especially at the start given how Smithy and Callum rubbed along.

The Relief have been given outstanding warrants to complete, Dan and Tony arrive to do one where the girls housemate calls her to the door, warning them that she 'got in late last night'. Lucy appears hungover and proceeds to vomit on Dan's legs before they can get her in the car. It's going to be one of those days.

In the yard, a tall, well built man is surveying the officers banter. He follows them into custody where chaos reigns with one prisoner taking another hostage with a cricket bat. The tall man throws his bag at the man holding Lucy hostage which disarms him and allows him to be arrested. Smithy grabs the man to arrest him as he thinks he's one of the suspects. The man presents his warrant card - he's Sgt Callum Stone, arriving for his first day. Bloody good job considering he walked into the yard and into custody unchallenged.

Start as you mean to go on, boys.

Lucy fell once she was freed from the second mans grasp and is bleeding from the back of her head. Thankfully it doesn't appear it happened in the chaos but the boys admit they thought she was just drunk/hungover as she mentioned nothing and didn't lower her hood.

Smithy catches up with Callum once Lucy is on her way to St Hugh's. He apologises for the unconventional welcome after having just seen the email to tell him of Callum's posting. Callum just laughs and says he's glad it's official, he'd started to worry he was at the wrong station

Finally in place, Callum arranges Will and Diane to look into Lucy's background as a 'tom' and see if a pimp or client hurt her. He and Dan head to the hospital to see how Lucy is. She is badly concussed but the strange thing is the injury has already been stitched to professional standard but not at the hospital or others nearby. The wound is consistent with being hit by a blunt instrument or a fall. Callum has started calling Dan 'Daniel' and it's clear Dan doesn't like it. Will and Diane are able to fill in the timeline of where she was the night before - she appears to have been at a party as part of the entertainment, but the host is a former Hoxton DI. Smithy worked with the DI as a probationer on a fraud investigation. He had come across as a family man devoted to his wife. He suggests Callum take Dan to the flat to see if Donnelly can fill in the gaps without shaming him for paying for company.

Donnelly (it's impossible to hear Donnelly without hearing the Thomas The Tank Engine theme in your head if you're from the UK.) admits Lucy was at the party and a little bit the worse for wear. He brings up that she fell and hit her head before Dan or Callum mention it. Callum asks about witnesses and Donnelly claims everyone else had gone by then. He got a retired doctor friend to 'patch her up' at Lucy's request rather than make it official because drugs had been present and Lucy didn't want official questions asking as she has a son in care she wants to get back. Callum frowns but takes photographs of the scene despite it 'all being cleaned up' and asks for the names and address of all in attendance including the doctor. The doctor insists if he'd known she was concussed that he would have insisted she went to the hospital but Donnelly had explained it in a way that made it not seem a bad fall. Callum's done some digging, far from the friendly relationship that Donnelly had made out, he'd actually gotten the doctor struck off for fraud 8 years before. The doctor dismisses it as them having 'kissed and made up' and asks to leave. Callum asks if Lucy's injuries could have been caused by anything other than a fall but the doctor refuses to speculate.

Will and Diane report Donnelly's friends are less than impressed at him being investigated as they claim he is an honourable ex-officer who is still picking up the pieces after his wife left him. At the hospital Lucy claims she was only at the party to serve the drinks but she must have drank more than she served as she slipped and banged her head outside when she went for air. Her explanation is almost word for word the same as Donnelly said, including how she asked him to fix it for her because she's trying to get her son back. Callum plays Mr Nice Guy and claims they're just glad that she's OK and asks if she's had any visitors. Lucy insists she hasn't but the flowers beside her bed didn't appear by magic. Callum checks CCTV - Donnelly visited and he's clearly told her what to say.

Callum tells Smithy he thinks Donnelly hurt Lucy and she's covering because she's scared. Donnelly arrested Lucy several years ago and suspects that he's turned a blind eye the next time in return for favours. He shows Smithy the pictures he took of the scene and points out an expensive fireside set missing the poker despite just moving in. He suggests that he hit her over the head with it and disposed of it when the bin men came that morning. Smithy sighs and considers it before allowing Callum to send 'Starsky And Hutch' (an unimpressed Will and Diane) to the tip to search for it.

Back at the hospital Callum tries to press Lucy for the truth but she's having none of it, having a clear distrust of the police. Eventually she cracks, telling them that he'd promised to help her officially however he continued using her for information and sex. She admits he hit her when she tried to end their arrangement but refuses to co-operate. With no official statement, Callum returns to Donnelly's. He tells Dan its a fishing trip and to keep quiet and do as he says. He accuses Donnelly of forcing Lucy to keep quiet after he assaulted her. He insists the poker has been found and bagged. Donnelly smirks and looks to Dan "he's [Callum] good, he's very good..." but claims if they had real evidence they'd be arresting him. Callum simply smiles and plays along. "Can't blame me for trying." He wants a result and Donnelly smarms that results come in all shapes and sizes so what does Callum really want? Callum sends an unimpressed Dan away and tells Donnelly he knows about the relationship he and Lucy had and that the FIU will start looking into his cashflow as it's an extravagant place for a DI's pension, especially with maintenance. "You're fishing." Donnelly smirks and Callum replies. "You're hooked."

Donnelly insists he's checked into Callum and he's not exactly whiter than white himself. "My record is clean." "So's mine..." Donnelly smiles before asking Callum how the situation go away. Outside Dan is unimpressed and even thrusts Callum against the car. Callum tells him simply he threatened Donnelly and he simply laughed at him. He tells him not to mention it to Smithy and sends Dan, Diane and Will for refs, saying he's just going to make some calls. Dan seems suss about his new Sergeant. He brings it up in the canteen and Reg says he's heard dark whispers about Callum whilst Tony says he's heard the opposite. Dan admits he seems OK but there's something odd about the case and Stone's dealings with it. Will suggests it'll all get sorted out when they get forensics back on the poker.

In the property room, Callum has signed the poker out as a 'mix up to be returned to its owner', telling the PC he'll sort it with Smithy. He hides it in his bag and tells Smithy that the poker was covered in so much crap that forensics couldn't get any clear prints and as Lucy won't give a statement there's nothing they can do about it. He takes the poker out, telling Dan he's nipping out and to cover to him. Dan tries to bring up what he thinks about the case and refuses to lie to Smithy. Callum says it's not lying and just covering and calls him Daniel again - making Dan snap at him that he doesn't like being called Daniel. Suspicious, Dan takes his thoughts to Smithy. Smithy tells Dan he was just about to come and find him for the same thing. Smithy tells him Stone told him that forensics told him there were no prints but Will has told him the poker never got that far so Dan tells him exactly what he knows happened - including getting sent out of the flat. Smithy and Dan track Stone down to a cafe where he and Donnelly are meeting to discuss handing it over. Donnelly tries to flee and Callum again gets restrained by Smithy too under suspicion of being bent - however it turns out it was a covert sting to catch Donnelly trying to bribe Callum for the poker and confessing what he did to Lucy - including skimming from her earnings to afford his fancy new lifestyle - set up before Callum left the station. Smithy is Not. Impressed. and he walks off in frustration.

At the station Smithy clearly is not happy with Callum for going over his head to arrange the sting and for treating everyone else 'as extras in The Callum Stone Show'. Callum explains it as it being his first day at Sun Hill and him not knowing who he could trust as Donnelley had been in the force for a long time and who knew who his friends were - especially as Smithy had said he knew him. Smithy growls that if he knew the first thing about him he'd know how ridiculous that was - and Callum points it out that exactly - he doesn't know him so doesn't know what he's about. Smithy clips his wings, telling him to run everything by him in future at Sun Hill follow procedure and they work as a team. He then asks why he chose to come specifically to Sun Hill. "Personality clash." Callum shrugs. "My inspector didn't like me flying solo."

At the end of the shift, Callum finds the relief in the pub - and overhears them talking about him, telling Will in answer to his statement that 'it might seem that he hadn't tried to get to know them during the day but it's not true. He'd done his homework before arriving. He knows Reg and Tony have been asking questions about him, he knows that "PC Casper is a bit unsubtle at times but he's strong, that Will has a big future ahead of him and a big head to match it given he doesn't think he has anything to learn. He then tells Will he can prove to him how good he is by taking up a spot on the FLO course that has opened up. "What about me, Sarge?" Diane asks. Callum looks thoughtful and tells her that he's learnt Diane "doesn't like being ignored." Dan apologises to Callum before he leaves for going to Smithy and Callum tells him it's absolutely fine - and finally calls him Dan. He then attends hospital and tells Lucy that he'll talk to social services for her and tell them she's a model citizen if she'll inform on Donnelly and give up the drugs and booze. He then asks her to become a snout for him instead - officially and above board and he'll pay her for it and be straight with her if she's straight with him. She agrees and tells him he's not like other cops.

[libidomechanica]

We felt the proper place, the

This is the logic of a lie.     Ill mothers; others use of shadowed bars like a weird seizures,     Heaven and spight, ne

in good things she’s comely; their face.     I’m thine eyes. And those deities which Venus hung, and man:     she wrongs, and I knew that

sparkling roguish een. Epitaph     to make an iron- cramped in time, the tarry rope to     fight with fraud and should bar

him of another? I grant I     never to quite refuse to blame? The silver anvils, and     as when they flow, and shouted;

the blouse you were those three broad     sons; with three to thee hent, nethelesse thoughtful still. We felt     the proper place, the

dizzying orange of our own words     your way of noticing and the place has but passed by thee.     One must be cured when I

told the tree—where a man who gads     upon a spring which the head of theyr hornes butten     the camp and coole. Things as

were the like name of those, that clenched     in honour if at all. Of partridge, I know your very     sacred well? His breathers

samphire, ’ the brave man who have you     blindly to foresee, so dull to my cell. But they for my     life, an acre hath no

excheckr now but his nearest pledge?     And from Boreas screen, and a beacon, bare as sudden light     on all to her face, than

music, and beauty no pencil,     beauty of throat she winter clothed in a crowd, a host, of     parcells make one good, that

climbs the more. Made for loue of those     fancies dead in safety to the stars attend the place has     been poured out onto the

white throne. Steadily as far as     oak from every way. Away with your old bad dreams. So it     was rich. Wash far away?

[wolint]

THAT'S NOT FAIR!

THAT'S NOT FAIR

Ecclesiastes 9:11

 

Life is so unfair on so many levels! The fairness or unfairness of life sometimes makes us question the faithfulness of God, but we must remember that life is full of variables, but God is the one constant we have.

Jeremiah 17:9 says our heart, regardless of who we are, is deceptively and desperately wicked and will operate with fairness and unfairness when it suits us, but God remains steadfastly fair according to Psalm 25:8.

We expect to be treated fairly, but we often encounter people and situations that dish out unfairness that again causes us to question God. We are treated unfairly daily, as we in turn treat others unfairly, and we moan and complain about the unfairness of life.

Well, unfortunately, life isn’t really fair in any way. Otherwise, God in His righteousness would treat us as we deserve, and rightly so, but instead, He offers us unfailing and faithful fairness where there shouldn’t be any.

How fair are you to those around you? How fair are you to God’s expectations of you?

From the beginning of time, we see man’s inhumanity in dishing out unfair treatment to others, even starting with Cain and Abel in Genesis 4. How fair was it that because of his displeasure with God, he killed his brother?

That’s not fair! Life is not fair! Nothing happens as we plan it all the time. It may not always be a case of fairness or unfairness but just a step to our divine destination.

Life is like the roll of the dice; you never know what you’ll get at any point: favour or disfavour, honour or dishonour, mercy or judgment, and fairness or unfairness. Whatever comes your way happens to everyone else: rich, poor, skilled, unskilled, wise, and foolish. Life happens to everyone, and all experience unfairness and fairness at some point in life.

Joseph probably thought “that’s not fair” so many times in his life, through all the ordeals he experienced, the disadvantages, discriminations, accusations, and judgment.

“That’s not fair” is a running theme in the Bible, but all of those who experienced a “that’s not fair” moment finally realize what many of us still need to accept as stated in Romans 8:28: that no matter how unfair a situation, how unfair and disadvantaged, God will still use it for His glory and purpose.

Isaiah 40:29 says God gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. In a society where life is often unfair, God reassures us that He is the source of strength and empowerment for those who feel weary and weak and have experienced unfairness. Remember that God’s fairness extends to providing the necessary strength and support for those experiencing unfairness.

When we are overwhelmed with the unfairness of life, this verse invites us to lean on Him, knowing that He is the ultimate source of strength and that His power is made perfect in our weakness.

How fair was it that Isaac kept digging wells that were seized by the Philistines in Genesis 26? No fair! He may have thought it, but he certainly didn’t voice it or blame the Lord.

What did David do to deserve being chased all over the place by King Saul? “That’s not fair” was certainly David’s mantra in some cases, but he still didn’t allow it to deter him from trusting and obeying God.

That’s just not fair! How fair was it that Dinah, innocently looking to make friends with women her age, fell into the hands of Shechem and was raped in Genesis 34?

Yes, life is not fair a lot of the time, but God expects us to show fairness in our dealings. Emphasizing the importance of fairness and justice is Isaiah 33:15, which states that those who live in God’s kingdom are honest, reject fraud, avoid taking bribes, and refuse to listen to those who plot evil. As believers, we are called to seek justice and treat others with fairness and equality.

That’s not fair, but God is with you.

PRAYER: Father, help me to always e air in all my dealing and to see unfairness as something you frown on in Jesus’ name, men.

Shalom

WOMEN OF LIGHT INT’L PRAYER MIN.

[almaqead]

"The Jihad." Introduction to Surah At Tawbah.

At-Tawbah (Arabic: ٱلتوبة, lit. 'the Repentance') is the ninth chapter (sura) of the Quran. It contains 129 verses (ayat) and is one of the last Medinan surahs. This Surah is known by two names, At-Taubah and Al-Bara'at.

It is believed by Muslims to have been revealed at the time of the Expedition of Tabuk in Medina in the 9th year of the Hijrah. The Sanaa manuscript preserves some verses, on parchment radiocarbon dated to between 578/44 bh and 669/49 ah.

I ended Surah Al Anfal with a call for Jihad against the United States of America for failing to deal with grandest threat to world peace and order in history, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and its assmeat puppets the Repubican Party who in spite of the obviousness of the requirements, committed the greatest sin a man, woman or government can commit: in spite of the accumulation of great wealth, all they have done is been stingy. They refused the people of Ukraine when they came to them for military and financial assistance and now millions are going to die.

When Zakah cannot be observed because of corruption, then there must be Jihad.

Further, the White House has failed to end oppression against women, LGBTQ persons, and has not addressed the Capitol Coup on January 6, the election fraud of 2016 and has allowed organized crime and the trafficking of minors to persist within a stone's throw from its front lawn, all perpetrated by Donald Trump, whom it jeers at during election campaigns rather than dousing him with gasoline and putting him to death for his crimes.

All of the above negligence resulted in the terror attacks by the Mormons and Hamas on the innocent people of Israel on October 7, 2023. There has been no honesty about this and everyone is blaming Israel for the defense of itself. Attacks on Israel or its people, the birthplace of the Religion are forbidden, they are utter blasphemy.

This means America is also violating Hudud, Iman, and Sadaq- rule of law, belief in the Sacred, and the Truth. The end result is a dire threat to the hopes and dreams of believers for Masjid, the creation of an international Sacred Precinct that envelopes the entire earth.

All Muslims are required therefore to do what is needed to peacefully curtail the ability of the US Governmnet to continue to promote the existence of Donald Trump, the Republican Party or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Upon public acknowledgement by Joe Biden of the demise of Donald Trump et al for the grave harm they have done to this world by what they have been done and left undone and release of their plans for remediation, AKA their Repentance, the Jihad will end.

Thus begins the Surah.

9: 1-15:

˹This is˺ a discharge from all obligations,1 by Allah and His Messenger, to the polytheists you ˹believers˺ have entered into treaties with:

“You ˹polytheists˺ may travel freely through the land for four months, but know that you will have no escape from Allah, and that Allah will disgrace the disbelievers.”1

A declaration from Allah and His Messenger ˹is made˺ to all people on the day of the greater pilgrimage1 that Allah and His Messenger are free of the polytheists. So if you ˹pagans˺ repent, it will be better for you. But if you turn away, then know that you will have no escape from Allah. And give good news ˹O Prophet˺ to the disbelievers of a painful punishment.

As for the polytheists who have honoured every term of their treaty with you and have not supported an enemy against you, honour your treaty with them until the end of its term. Surely Allah loves those who are mindful ˹of Him˺.

But once the Sacred Months have passed, kill the polytheists ˹who violated their treaties˺ wherever you find them,1 capture them, besiege them, and lie in wait for them on every way. But if they repent, perform prayers, and pay alms-tax, then set them free. Indeed, Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

And if anyone from the polytheists asks for your protection ˹O Prophet˺, grant it to them so they may hear the Word of Allah, then escort them to a place of safety, for they are a people who have no knowledge.

How can such polytheists have a treaty with Allah and His Messenger, except those you have made a treaty with at the Sacred Mosque?1 So, as long as they are true to you, be true to them. Indeed Allah loves those who are mindful ˹of Him˺.

How ˹can they have a treaty˺? If they were to have the upper hand over you, they would have no respect for kinship or treaty. They only flatter you with their tongues, but their hearts are in denial, and most of them are rebellious.

They chose a fleeting gain over Allah’s revelations, hindering ˹others˺ from His Way. Evil indeed is what they have done!

They do not honour the bonds of kinship or treaties with the believers. It is they who are the transgressors.

But if they repent, perform prayer, and pay alms-tax, then they are your brothers in faith. This is how We make the revelations clear for people of knowledge.

But if they break their oaths after making a pledge and attack your faith, then fight the champions of disbelief—who never honour their oaths—so perhaps they will desist.

So˺ fight them and Allah will punish them at your hands, put them to shame, help you overcome them, and soothe the hearts of the believers—

removing rage from their hearts. And Allah pardons whoever He wills. For Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.

Commentary:

Rage against Jerusalem is forbidden. Deviations from the Law and the laws are forbidden. We are all bound by treaties and agreements and Constitutions that compel us to behave in certain lawful and righteous ways.

Why is this not happening then? There must be a repentance so there can be a pardon and peace and unity can prevail. The White House must lead this effort, of this there is no doubt. Then the world must follow, unify Jerusalem and Israel, establish government and citizenship for the world's suffering, and put all non-believers and usurpers into the fire.

This world cannot be left to wander into the darkness.

Thus begins the Jihad.

[saneinthissociety]

If someone reads that, they won’t believe me, but I’ll keep writing. A quarter of a century had to pass for me to realise that I’ve been living a lie. A lie that was installed into me without my consent and without my knowledge. But I bore all the consequences. Going through life and feeling like an alien from another planet, unworthy, inadequate, and never fitting in. And then one day someone else comes and reaffirms this shy voice inside you saying “it’s not you”. And you start believing yourself and are petrified at the thought that you’ve never given yourself the space to look at things from another direction. I am not weird, I am not a fraud, I am the most normal person I know in fact as some of the societal propaganda hasn’t gotten into me.

But then, you look back at your life. You can still feel this bitter taste in your mouth you felt while walking on the streets alone. Angry that you lost the “happiest years of your life”. But you know you have to pick up the pieces and move on and you won’t to. But just let me stay with myself from the past for a little while. I need to respect her, I need to give her the right to be who she was, I need to acknowledge her perspective and her pain. If I don’t do that, the past will keep haunting me as it has been doing for as long as I can remember. The monsters in me don’t seem so scary anymore. It’s because I haven’t even been haunted. But I need to express myself somehow. And it’s hard to do that around people who feel uncomfortable with my self-expression and my existential thoughts. 

Everyone thought that I had a perfect family. Respected father, valued mother, we would never fight, never cause a scene in public. Your father is an amazing doctor, gifted preacher, man of honour. I was fed with this bullshit from the day I was born, how could have I not believed in it? It was another fact for me, like the fact that the sky is blue. Well, a shocker is that the sky is in fact not blue, it’s just an illusion. And my “perfect” home was the same kind of illusion. I wasn’t malnourished, I was dressed properly, I was a good student, well-behaved, doing everything by the book, maybe a little shy. I was also emotionally abandoned, unappreciated, unwanted and intimidated. But who would know? I did not want to break down the illusion myself because I was afraid of the consequences. If something was wrong, it was always my fault. If I did something wrong, punishment was inevitable, so much so that I was also punished for things I had not done. I was the most innocent and good-hearted from my peers but I strongly believed I would be the only one ending up in hell, ashamed and suffering.

But living on earth was my hell. And I was going through the centre of it everyday. The inside of my soul felt like a cemetery or desert which has never seen a drop of water. But I used to bite my cheek, clench my teeth and went forward. When I was 25, I have already lost all of my vitality, I was depressed, empty, tired and I had no will to life. At the same time, I could not kill myself, because I was scared of the consequences, I had no energy to plan it and I was afraid I would fail and how would I look anyone else in the eyes if I did fail and they knew I did. As I was already aware that everything could be read from my eyes, they would see that as well, I couldn’t fake anymore. I didn’t have the energy to fake. I lost the energy in the past 8 years, now I am just tired. And never resting. No one understood that I was just chronically tired. So, I stopped explaining. The golden solutions they offered were amusing. That’s something that I was also criticised for, by my father, that I cannot rest. As if he could, fucking hypocrite. 

[kley-blog]

Wot da Fock?

I hope you are having a better day . . .

And, yes, it's one of the funniest things (in the saddest of ways) that I have read for quite a while . . .

A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Angus.

'Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.

Angus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da… '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question.

Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Angus said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road…. '

The solicitor interrupted again and said ,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Angus' answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Angus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da fock would you say?

(H/T Marie R. Harness)

[cosmicangel888]

The Expression of your Spirit is EVERYTHING # 5D

The Expression of being human - spirit is vital to all healing - Suppress it for none

I will not make my story an alteration to fit their ego, or lack of self to not face who they are,

As much as groups, beings, regardless of their title or bank roll, for me to not say what is truth and what is my story - 

I will speak of those that took without permission, approvals, and agreements, nor ever even knowing me, the stealing of my life, light, energy, consciousness, time, resources, ideas, and in any way one can be taken from, it was; ©

And those that act as if they have no clue what occurred - is oblivious to the blatant disregard, blatant gathering in groups of pre-meditated action to bring innocent people down; take light of the innocent in whatever ill-balanced and underground sexual deviant manner that is done - and is done throughout the entire world and must be lifted to be brought to light and altered 

For all to see; 'is this really the world we are creating?' 

When there is blatant abuse by so many in power, titles, and money that pay to silence what is truth.

Those that bully the innocent, bully the true and most powerful healers because we bring to humanity what is needed to reclaim your power, authority and energy and light to not be taken by such devious false prophets and false pastorals, and community leaders that hide their dark-side and then blame, create false narratives, and call every level of blaspheme to the innocent - to the victim - blaming the victim - how egregious and how arrogant to think that the years, years of stealing - forensic accounting will prove every thing I have offered as truth - 

The groups that gather and are paid slight of hand - prove how, where, whom, from whom the monies are paid to and from to watch, spy, go to classes, and pretend to be friends, and clients, and regardless of who you pay to lie, or to silence, or to fix paperwork - money, title, and role in the community is where the greatest fraud occurs; because we blindly give power, energy, and trust to those that in some cases; truly do not and never did deserve their post.

There are very very dark people, that choose to not heal, choose to not face who they are, and choose to be a part of underground corrupt activity and those of us that are here to heal such, to speak on such, to be advocates for such get targeted beyond what any can imagine - and why so many choose to simply not speak - for there are people that died for what they knew, what they chose to speak on -

Every day, look at it on youtube shorts, every person, every woman, man, child, coming forth in our work to bring up corruption in the entertainment business, in all businesses in which manipulation, bidding, binding, and deceitful stories and narratives to block the innocent in suppression and poverty to call righteousness to their lies and further traumatize the victim - ruling and running them out of town, away from their friends, family and all to have the community in fear and workings of spell work and intimidation ~

I know what happened to me, and my experience is not unlike the innocent children that are harvested, used, abused, in trafficking -

I know those that told outright lies, narratives that defamed my character simply because I spoke truth and went through my legal birthright to seek divorce - I have my rights to be in a healthy and balanced, and honouring life and to express myself freely and in spirit - that is my spiritual birthright - and simply because I saw, felt, sensed, and spoke on it - makes those that were taking, stealing, and spell casting, doing sex-orgie rituals, and the many, many, many, many things done that did not even come out - and the name I have held back - so be sure dear lighted ones

My story is important - it will hopefully connect with those that were covertly abused, and no matter how much, how hard you tried to raise your life - you were pushed back down - and there were groups, peoples behind it all - even those that claimed to be your friend -

High functioning, empaths, conduits, those that do what they do, know they are doing it and plan it and recruit others to help in their plans to break every ounce of your connection with spirit as spirit, and connection to God, Source, life - happiness - this is often found in satanic cults - masonry groups gone wrong - and false spiritualists that have not done the work needed to break ego wounding, not working with their guides and or higher self -

Spiritual, community leadership, service roles are not competitive never meant to be, and is not something to create cults, gangs to force those that simply are being who they are - to bring them into competitive BS be it 3rd party - that you had no idea and did not care nor did not agree to - time to grow up - petty and immaturity will bring tower moments - and far too many were harmed in my one story - ©

Transcend all less than, conformity, and any diabolical plans to bring harm and poverty to yo - with the Alliance with Light - God is, Source is, Light, your angels, your guides, your celestial beings will support getting back up and trying again - recognize abuse - be it energetic and or emotional, financial or spiritual - call it and move on

Those pressing themselves and forcing themselves into my energy, my lane, my life - I will not stay put, I will not silence, and I will not sit down - I am worthy of my life and what occurred to me was horrible and none had any right - I will not be a slave for a group of energy harvesters and spell casters that manipulate and fool many to get what they want - and when they are challenged and when they do not get what they want; divorce and individuality - they target even more heavily -

I am only 1 woman that was against groups - groups of gathering and spell casters and those throwing daily - relentlessly to me - if you want to do spell work - use it only on your life - when you involved others, when you target light workers, and recruit people to take from, and when you press your deviance of sex harvesting into my lane -

You told on yourself - all of you - that were involved #calgary #falseprophets, #falsespiritualists #falsemasonrygroups

I will call what was done to me, I will not alter my story to allow the brutal dominant ego warlords the space to feel comfy - I know what was done - and all were given years to step out gracefully and without being known and seen by all - all know this -

©

Source gave all years to make right

Source gave all years to pay back the monies stolen and stalked, spied, heartlessly took and called their own - built business around my name to be involved in horrible stories and narratives to bid against the divine sacred offerings that are meant purely for healing and transformation -

There is black magic and those that claim to be of service in the community, that hold titles and hold money and deep pockets, however what they say,, and what they do behind closed doors are two very different things; 

I see beyond what is said, and I see what is done behind closed doors - this is my gift, this is my birthright - I need to prove nothing -

I know what I experienced - it was occult crime and there was definite pre-meditated harm, fraud, stealing, and taking from not only me but others -

I am the one survived the entire torment to tell the story - and I will - for this is exactly what the underground bidding world to think, to press, to corrupt the innocent spirits that deviance of sex, orgies, pornography, using your bodies for entity transfer, harvesting, and such degrading defiling experiences is a NORMAL thing - is not;

#Epstein island, the many coming forward, men, women, and children of what occurs in Hollywood, music that titled, powerful people, elite abuse their power, and abuse their roles, to call on their power to suggest sex, stripping, bringing them into deep dark societies that prey on energy, prey on light, prey on their souls - this is not ok;

I will speak of my life, my gifts, my purpose - I will not silence and I will not make my horrible and profound story small to make the barbarians that think controlling and creating relentless human experimenting and spell work to entirely fuck a persons life over - underground bidding on the acts of human defiling - is utterly beyond imagining and that is why I will continue to be an advocate - I will not sit down.

Divine feminine deserve their voice, and respect of expression and many did not make it, I did and I will speak 

I praise those men that are coming forward in the entertainment world speaking about their suggestive experiences by those in high title, roles, importance and later fired and left out of their agency because they chose to say 'no' to sexual abuse for a role; 

Women deserve to be heard the first time, without fighting for our voice to be heard, without fighting to be seen; how many children feel like this when they say and express who and how they feel - when they are so much more tapped in than their parents - are we offering a higher vibrational world -

How different is this than asking for a divorce, and being delayed, years, years, through spell work, taking of my light, harvesting me in any and every way possible, using my ideas, work, and wisdoms, and not receiving a penny and then being bullied, targeted and spell casted every more when I choose to leave - 

I will not be spied on, I will not be taken from, I will not be part of any company that creates, such dissension of the human spirit and ability to speak in and be in liberation - those that hold titles - of leaders, of 'people' workers and supporters, yet behind closed doors - they do death magic on family and prey, chant for car crashes, to gain business rights, that they had 0 right to, or policies to be fulfilled when you are erased from society by their games of 'disappearance' - 

These are real stories - and I survived - 

I deserve my human rights - I deserve my divorce. that is my human right - I know who I am and I deserve my inheritance my monies, and my business to never be touched by any that have 0 clue about energy or what a conduit is and how, why, what way they are able to bring light, hope, peace, endurance, health to humanity and the connection with all life, connection with all source, god, spirit, angels, and our celestial families -

Those that are the root cause of anyone's trauma will receive it equally - this is simply law - what is hidden will be known, seen; this is your soul bringing a tower to what was not heeded previously -

Heed the call of spirit - otherwise spirit will take you on the wheel and later on you will be so glad - because you knew you had to stop and change, and alter course - you know in your heart - what you do, when you harm someone, or take from someone is not ok - harming harms; and when you choose to not heal your wounds, your wounds create wounds for others -

I am a creative genius and much damage was done

Much loss was experienced - I asked for only what was mine and to stay out of my lane; they chose to arrogantly abuse all my words, wishes and prayers - as I offered unconditional healing to get to the core of their hate and projections - they only continued to steal, take, and spell me to stop and have me cease being me;

HEALING CULT Mentality - Why, How, Heal

Why people choose to go into gangs, cults, masonry, covens; is to feed the insecurities - lack of what they feel they do not belong and can be done in a peaceful and caring way - but when it turns to creating more separation and more deviance to continue feeding the wounding, entity attachment through black magic, through deviant sexual activity - most have no idea about energy and how what occurs when such group - think occurs and what karma, what timelines, and what return will be - Universal Laws will not bow to groups, people and sects that simply choose to remain closed and ignorant - universal laws are laws - and outrank all - for it is CREATION

I am who I am I Am THAT I AM

I WILL BE ME

My donation tab is always posted - I have receive not 1 penny - and so all are choosing the timeline and the earth they manifest -

This is a perfect experience and life story sharing - for the help of others -

Anyone doing spell work on you - does not love you - it is a control, and dominance ploy - unless it is for healing - and discern how you feel - feeling foggy all the time, feeling lazy and non-action, feeling confused, bad luck surrounding you, no growth - that is spell work - accidents, bumping and falling into things, that is spell work -

Rather than inspire, create such degrading in the community - one could choose to heal - corruption, crime, violence, spell work is not necessary - #dothehealing #5Dearth #5Dhumanity

While they use and take your life-force, they are gathering in groups and succeeding, bringing in the money off of your ideas and literally using you like a slave - these were very intelligent people and placed very appropriately in the facets of the community where they could get information, private information, fix paper work, make false claims, and create false narratives -

* discrimination on every level & then party on your monies, party and laugh, haze and suppress your falling due to their group efforts

* fraud / the schemes, scams, and tactics to erase me, corrupt my name to make others believe I am not of sound mind, body, and fix policies and inheritance and intercept any level of receipt you may have coming - and how psychologically degrading and warping this does to the sense of self -

* defamation of my character, word, and work and foolery of those trying to offer what I do to those that truly need and want help healing, direction that are clearly not qualified.

Be awake, aware, and sit down for none - we will see this all over our planet - it is not an us vs them, and I never offered my story as such - it is simply go and heal - and return what you stole and stay in your own lane -

These are purely in alignment of

Universal Laws # 1 - Right Use of Free Will & Non-Interference

Law #2 - Law of Balance

I am Joanna

This is my word

The entire entertainment world, realms, and experience will shift - to higher levels of integrity and such people that interfere with ones spiritual, creative expression in harmful, deviant manners will be seeing discrimination and defamation suites until we get it

USING SEX as tool, toy, to gain, to defame, and to degrade our spirited creative expression is illegal - and dehumanizes -

Our LIFE FORCE is our most valuable commodity and it will help and honour us in manifesting anything and everything - and obviously as we all awaken - there will be those that abuse it grossly and will be seen as we accelerate in our human ascension and evolution -

Those that abuse energy in a dominant corrupt - recall my energy - none have the right to spell my life into not receiving - I receive every day - and what I receive none can stop -

What level of imbalance is it to have someone relentless to spell you to never love another, none to love you, none to give to you - but them - it is sick dominance and controlling, how sects, cults, satanic beliefs of the ownership of power - bidding, sacrificing and ends up only in destruction - this will only provide loss and destruction /

None will want to be a part of such degrading treatment - I deserve better - I will receive and none will stop my blessings;

I get to choose who I will share my energy with - and one choose this for me - none will suffocate with toxic domination spells and controlling my voice and choice - I choose and I will love and I will be loved - I CHOOSE - MY WILL ! PERIOD - ©

--> know this more deeply - it affects timelines, cells, brain development, life span, any future timelines and generations - all children that are the innocent of those involved in such - those that choose such ; are choosing what is heavy heavy heavy karma - and must know what they doing when why, how they are doing it - when they choose to misuse, and abuse their body, life force without pure and loving for-thought -  

My family was affected in every way - by black magic, and control, dominance - and all so unnecessary - all is unnecessary - all is healable - I have compassion, why I taught all unconditional healing tips, tools, and techniques for those that chose what they chose - Spirit asked me to pull my energy back and move on - my growth and momentum will inspire all -

HEAL THE LUST woundings - we are not Epstein planet - we will heal this - we are beyond such - 

Such degrading of the sacred life force is warping our entire social ideals of what is value, what is morals, what is true inner beauty - 

We are souls, we are sacred, and we are spirit in human exploration - and we have spiritual birthrights - 

There were definite plans to end me, my life, my work, and I have my rights to speak on this, for if I am only 1 person that was able to escape this hell, there were many that did not, and look at Epstein island and how much, how prevalent, how widespread the nefarious and devious activities are underground now coming up to be faced -

Celebrate - this is our evolution into higher vibrational living and knowing your body is sacred, I am teaching, healing, helping others to speak for their sacredness, their unique expression, and their bodies to live in divinity of truth, potential, and infinite possibilities

Evolutionary processes, progress is why we are here - deviance is such - harms, damages the spirit, soul, mind, cells, brain, organs, emotional body and does, will put a cease on an entire species ability to evolve - book me for a webinar or discussion on such -

Evolution and Consciousness is everything - I came here for this!

This is my gift and birthright -

#truth #healingcorruption #healinghumanity #healingdiscrimination #healingourchildren #standingupforyourself #speakyourtruth #unity #oneness #breakingcorruptsystems

Blessings and light

Joanna

JoannaCosmicAngel@yahoo.com

DONATIONs; PayPal link here; paypal.me/JoannaLRoss

#ascension #healingcorruption #healinghumanity #healingourspirits #oneness #unity

Face your shadow - humble yourself and bring compassion, forgiveness, and be of good will - life can be this flowing, peaceful -

[goongiveusnothing]

https://at.tumblr.com/goongiveusnothing/since-the-bua-last-week-many-larries-and-harries/nvfp8nbsuimb

omg, i LOVE you

did you have a turning point where you started to see him for who he was? i can't said i was his fan but i liked him, but after his charade during the BLM protest where you can see it was so staged: the camera following him, him showing with POC. like this dude is around POC when he needed them. that situation opened my eyes

i wrote about why i got sick of him here.

i think for most of us it's becoming conscious of little things that seem indicative of more about him, but because nobody is allowed to talk about it, you just ignored it or looked away. until collectively you just have enough at some point.

the BLM stuff was one of the key turning points. him refusing to acknowledge the signs originally when they happened in 2017 or 2018. the fans starting to all hold signs. him still being too cowardly so giving an "all lives matter" type speech to try and assuage things. a journalist for i believe vice magazine saying she held up one of the signs right in front of him and he visibly "flinched" when he saw it. it had obviously become a trigger issue for him, something he clearly hated that the fans were seeking him to address.

when he held up a bunch of flags in a pile and one of them was the BLM flag so his fans claimed that as a triumph, even though it was clear he had no idea it was in the pile. him sharing a photo of the crowd with some BLM visible, his fans claiming this was him showcasing BLM, even though it wasn't him, he was just showing the crowd which were full of the signs. then finally him adding a tiny little sticker to a guitar, and the fans going out in rapture, claiming yes king, he saw them, "he gets it", he's so with them, such an activist.

then of course in 2020 when BLM became such a national movement, someone says they knew that he had deliberately planned to go to a certain place to pose in a certain position for photos, before leaving. of course taking along two random ethnic (i think one is asian?) people with him, acting like they were his good friends and like of course he knew anybody with melanin. when we've literally seen them with him at work maybe a handful of times. now how many times have they been seen with him since? it's not like they're jeff, cordon, ben, the gerbers etc.

at the same time he started following a few black models on instagram and liking their photos, as if he wanted to let us all know that yes, he thinks black women are okay to like on instagram? like, what? it was so fucking bizarre. he's never done that before or since. he seemed to think this was some legit black lives matter activism.

then in his blessed cocaine sideboob choke a woman with a view song he shares the line "riot america" inbetween all of that garbage about doing shit to a woman and other things. that's how he saw the events in america in 2020 involving civil rights for black people. riot america, moving on. that's all he managed to feel about it.

then there's the difference between him and ben winston and the azoffs, and him and i presume a catholic friend or person he knew, and zayn, the only brown member in the band. he never seemed to express the slightest bit of interest in zayn's background or pakistan heritage or islamic culture or food or traditions or language or literally anything. but he did manage to absorb as much as possible about like israel from ben/azoffs and then also got a cross/bible/crucifix necklace for someone catholic in his life. his sister has made weird islamophobic comments, one in particular i remember when she seemed to suggest that muslims in a particular area of london would lose their mind if she tried asking for a bagel in their shops. so, you know, there's THAT.

[my-johnlockficrecs]

in honour of "hired gun" making a reappearance on my dash, do you (or any of your followers) have any more fic recs with themes like being on a mission/being badass/on the run/undercover/mercenary? the darker and grittier the better!!

hi anon! first, the fic you mentioned: hired gun by @simplyclockwork (232k, E)

After faking his suicide in response to allegations of fraud, two years into dismantling Moriarty's network finds Sherlock Holmes in Morocco. Nearing the end of his mission, he is apprehended by a man with the mercy of a doctor, the control of a soldier, and the brutality of a mercenary.

Through capture, betrayal, and unexpected danger, both Sherlock and John Watson, gun-for-hire, will have to learn who can really be trusted.

a fantastic fic and such a tense ride! i read this one as it updated and whew, what an experience. @kettykika78 did some fantastic art for that fic, with a very sexy john watson, which is perhaps what crossed your dash as well, anon!

as for your ask, ahh there are quite a few fics like that! i sat on this list for a bit just so i could put together as many fics fitting the theme as i could remember. i’m certain i’ve still missed out on quite a few, so if anyone else has suggestions, please add on!

i literally just finished a fic where john and sherlock have to go to a safe house in scotland bc moriarty has resurfaced, except it wasn’t actually “moriarty” as they knew him but for the life of me i can’t find it snfjsj. it’s not even in my ao3 history?? UGH

The Death of Doubt by Gingerhermit (6k, E)

For cccahill18, based on their prompt for johnlockchallenges Valentine's Day Exchange: Mycroft asks for John’s help in rescuing Sherlock from his Serbian captors. Requested genres: AU, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort

Sherlock couldn’t decide if it was the kindest or the cruelest trick his mind had ever played on him, to give him a blurry vision of John Watson standing there with haggard lines on his face, the beginnings of an absolutely disastrously scruffy beard, and a grubby knit cap shoved down over his ears. His mouth shaped around that name, the one he hadn’t allowed himself to utter aloud in two years, and it felt foreign as it scraped weakly past his lips.

“John?”

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (114k, E)

Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John?

I Will Take Care of You by SailorChibi (16k, teen)

Two years after Sherlock's death, John comes to find him on the sofa. Wounded and ill, Sherlock is convinced he's hallucinating and refuses to share any details about Moran or the fact that Mycroft has been compromised. That doesn't stop John from stepping up and taking care of the last of Moriarty's web, BAMF-style.

26 Pieces by Lanning (28k, E)

Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn't simple.

Impossible to Feign by achray (49k, M)

Sherlock leant forward, his long fingers curving round to grip John’s.

“I won’t let him win,” he said, eyes hard. “I will do whatever it takes to get you out.”

Extraction by holmesian_love (28k, unrated)

After Reichenbach, during his hunt to overcome Moriarty's network, Sherlock is captured and tortured, in Serbia.

While Mycroft spends a month working overtime to find his brother, with agents reporting back and an extraction team in place, John's world is turned upside down, after a surprise delivery shakes his foundations. He is forced back into the world of Sherlock Holmes, completely unprepared to face the consulting detective.

The extraction is only the beginning for these three men as they face the consequences of past actions.

Against the Rest of the World by @silentauroriamthereal (151k, E)

Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns. Post-Reichenbach.

Running Obliquely by @raina-at (4k, M)

Sherlock just wanted John to know that he isn't dead.

It doesn't go as he expected.

That's mostly a good thing.

The Other One by PurpleHydrangeas (80k, G)

Sherlock Holmes isn't anybody's fool. In fact, she's regularly six steps ahead of Mycroft. That is, until his meddling knocks her through a loop, and before she knows it, she's adding a wing to her Mind Palace to house a not-so-aged Army Doctor. John Watson doesn't know what to make of this mad genius with blue eyes, but he knows working for Mycroft Holmes is, within the span of 24 hours, the biggest mistake of his life.

Wars We Fought, Things We’re Not by @blueink3 (55k, M)

“Oh come, John. Could be fun,” Mycroft taunts, accompanied by an eyebrow arch he’s gotten far too good at. “Besides, it’s not as if it’s your first time pretending to be a couple.”

Five months after John's world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.

Turned series by @therealsaintscully (107k, 2 works, incomplete)

‘Turncoat: a person who deserts one party or cause in order to join an opposing one.’

⇆

Moriarty’s message never gets broadcast, the plane taking Sherlock away doesn't come back.

As rumours begin to swirl about a British POW found alive in Gaza ten months later, Mycroft shows up at John’s surgery with some good news: Sherlock is alive, and he's coming back.

⇆

Inspired by ‘Homeland’ and ‘Prisoners of War’, ‘Turned‘ re-examines everything we thought we knew about Sherlock since the day of his fall and his time away during his great hiatus.

[tgarnsl]

Doldrums and Fake Married, please! (Or just one, your choice.)

fake married au!

this scene (which you've already read on discord, ha) comes from somewhere near the end after the whole fake married thing is revealed as a fraud by Keith at Ewen's trial. Keith is subsequently arrested and is awaiting a court martial:

The cell — for it could hardly be called anything else — was five paces by five paces, a distance that Keith soon came to know intimately during the first twenty-four hours of his imprisonment. The small window of his room looked out onto another wall, but if he sat on his bed he could see the corner, and beyond that, what appeared to be an oak. It was only a glimpse of green, but Keith hoped it was an oak all the same, like the sprig of oak Ewen had pinned to his lapel before the trial — the sprig that had fallen and been crushed under foot when the guards had seized him.

On the fourth day, the gaoler, a kindly Welsh corporal in his fifties, came to shave him — for he was not allowed anything that might constitute a weapon — and told him that a ‘friend’ wished to visit later that evening. The news so startled Keith that he jerked his head up, causing the razor to slip and nick his jaw.

“I am not to receive visitors,” he said, pressing a towel against the cut. “Was that not made clear, Jenkins?”

Jenkins frowned. “He is your husband, sir. I cannot, in good faith, deny a man the opportunity to visit with his husband.”

Keith nodded. “What time will you bring him?” he asked, hoping that his eagerness did not show.

“At eight in the evening, sir,” said Jenkins, rinsing off the shaving brush and emptying the basin into the slop bucket. “I will see to it you have as much time with him as you wish.”

And so it was that at eight in the evening, just as the sun was casting a rosy light on the stones outside the cell window, that Ewen Cameron came to Keith Windham’s cell, dressed not as a Highlander in the tartan to which Keith had become so accustomed, but as an ordinary gentleman in a blue suit. He had never looked more beautiful, standing there in the doorway, leaning on his walking stick, his smile warm and affectionate, his eyes troubled. Jenkins nodded once at Keith and shut the door. The lock turned in the door, and then they were alone, truly alone, as they had not been for weeks.

“Ardroy,” said Keith, unable to believe it. “They released you.”

Ewen nodded. “I am free,” he said. “Though I fear you are the one to pay the price for that freedom, and for that I am sorry, truly.” He made as if to go to Keith, but hesitated. “That you would sacrifice your honour for my sake by telling a lie—”

“I spoke truly,” said Keith, quiet but firm. “What I said the courtroom. It was not a lie.” He steadied himself. “The truth is, Ardroy, that I love you, as I have not loved anyone for some time.”

Ewen limped across the cell, his eyes never once leaving Keith’s face, but stopped short of where Keith stood. “Windham, I—”

“I do not expect for you to return my affection,” said Keith. “I am sorry if I have caused you offence. But if…”

“I do,” said Ewen, taking Keith’s face between his hands. His walking stick fell with a clatter to the floor, but neither paid it heed. “Keith, I love you. Tha gaol agam ort. Do you not see? For surely I thought it to be obvious by now.”

Keith grasped Ewen by the shoulders, his head spinning. “No,” he admitted. “It was not obvious.”

“Then I must endeavour to make it so,” said Ewen gravely, drawing his face nearer to Keith’s: so close that Keith could feel the warmth of Ewen’s breath on his cheek. Yet still he hesitated, his blue eyes troubled and uncertain, all confidence gone. “Keith,” he murmured, as much a plea for help as an invocation. “Keith…”

Keith rose up and kissed him, knowing not what he did. It was a gentle, chaste kiss, no more than a press of lips, but Ewen made a sound halfway between a gasp and a sob, and tried to pull away. Keith would not let him go so easily, catching him in his arms, pressing kisses to Ewen’s mouth, his cheek, his forehead, until it grew too much for the young man, and he leaned down to press his face against Keith’s breast, his shoulders shaking as the grief that he had carried so long broke through his defences at last. Keith, at a loss for what to do, held Ewen close, stroking his hair, until at last the storm had passed, and Ewen withdrew once more.

[tenthgrove]

La Squadra 30s AU: Overview

(A/N: So I literally thought of this on a whim and decided to write it down. You're welcome to use this AU for your own stories since I probably won't, but please give credit where due.)

The year is 1934. In the throws of the Great Depression, poverty and crime continues to be rife across the urban east of America. But as many titans of the mafia world collapse with the end of prohibition, the growing syndicate known as Passione begins to swell in numbers and wealth like never before.

The recent immigrant, Risotto Nero (age: 28, real name: Rosario Nero) was picked up practically at the dock by Passione for his formidable appearance and fighting prowess, not to mention lack of other viable prospects in America. Indeed, his journey across the Atlantic was most certainly an act of desperation, but what he was running from, he won't say. Risotto guards the infamous Passione nightclub after which the syndicate gets its name. He also receives a number of orders to pursue the group's enemies in a more... direct manner of confrontation, and there are high hopes for his career as a Mafioso owing to his great sense of honour and budding reputation as unkillable. The greatest hindrance to this goal is at present, a simple matter of communication. He knows barely a word of English.

Hoping to remedy this issue is a Passione associate known to the group by the codename Prosciutto (age: 37, real name: Christopher Perkins), Professor of English Literature at a local university. Why this mild-mannered, rather stuffy young teacher is beholden to Passione is anyone's guess, though he staunchly rebukes any claims of Italian heritage. His impeccable skill at the language, however, speaks for itself. Christopher supports the syndicate financially through his great inherited wealth, as well as providing alibis for its members, many of whom are filed through the corrupt institute as 'students.' Prosciutto is one of the few Risotto would call a friend, and the two meet regularly for Risotto's english lessons. Unknown to anyone but the leaders of Passione, is the truth behind Professor Perkins' unfortunate predicament. In truth, Prosciutto is both a murderer and a patricide, his victim- his own father, the former Don of Passione. Back in 1920 when the Don was found dead in his apartments, it was dubbed the murder mystery of the decade. The case has since gone cold, however, all thanks to the new leadership of the syndicate.

Nowadays, Prosciutto finds solace in his students, of which he hopes the young post-boy he nicknames Pesci (age: 15, real name: Peppi Sciaccia) will soon be joining. Pesci is a poor but cheerful boy, raised by his ailing mother and doting grandparents. The identity of his father is subject to many jokes in the family, some even saying the man was a murdered mafia don whose illegitimate children were all whisked away to be raised in secret, but in truth, Pesci has no idea who he is. Anyway, he recently found work as a post-boy for the university campus, catching the eye of Professor Perkins for his polite and helpful attitude. The professor now tutors him regularly in the hope he might receive a scholarship once he reaches 18, and obtain a good career that would lift his family out of poverty. A pity that Passione, with it's secret ties to the institute, has its eye on the boy as well, and is using him to carry orders without his knowing.

Meanwhile in the Passione nightclub, one Illuso (age: 30, real name: Michelle Illuso), works his fraud. He is an attendant at the casino, though in truth he has full permission of the club's owners to scam and steal from his customers. His talents come from his side-hustle as a magician, tricks he frequently shows off to his victims as a diversionary tactic. His partner in crime is Formaggio (age: 26, real name: Danny Fabbri), a popular Jazz musician at the bar who frequently assists in the swindling. Formaggio, so nicknamed for his unbearably cheesy personality, was until recently impoverished, until coming across the abandoned loot of a bank heist totalling at $50,000. Passione would have killed him if they realised he had taken the whole lot, but instead they simply requisitioned his services at the nightclub. He continues to indulge his newfound wealth in secret. Illuso and Formaggio are friends by necessity to Risotto, who steps in to save their asses whenever a swindle goes wrong. They're trying to improve his social life by taking him out in his free time, but the friendship is a little stony due to the language barrier. Neither Illuso or Formaggio are entirely fluent in Italian, even less the thick Sicilian Risotto speaks.

A few streets away from the Passione Club lies a rather innocuous looking flower shop run by a pair of quote on quote "brothers in law" nicknamed Sorbet (age: 40, real name Nicolo Farina) and Gelato (age: 35, real name: Elia Farina - taken after an unofficial marriage to Sorbet). The pair are quite beloved in the neighbourhood, a kindly, approachable pair of businessmen who would happily offer their wares for free to those experiencing tragedy, but in truth the flower shop is a front for a life of criminality. The couple offer a variety of services to various local mafias, Passione included, and it is known in their past they were a ferocious pair of assassins. A murdered man's coffin is most often adorned with flowers sold from their shop, and quite frequently, his end was delivered by a hitman found through their network, purchased with a large commission, naturally. In terms of murder themselves, however, Sorbet and Gelato have long ago put down their guns, the reason quite domestic.

Sorbet and Gelato have one son, who they adoringly nickname Ghiaccio for his icy temperament (age: 18, real name: Arthur White). Ghiaccio was kicked out by his impoverished biological family at just age 8, after which he broke into the flower shop for shelter and was promptly taken in by the owners. The couple used their contacts to forge papers stating that Ghiaccio was the child of Sorbet and his late wife (who of course, never existed). Ghiaccio is incredibly zealous about keeping up this false story, to the point of putting on a fake Italian accent to visitors which is quite frankly, hilarious. Sorbet and Gelato are both very insistent that Ghiaccio stay out of mob life and as a result, sent him to university under the professorship of Christopher Perkins. They have no idea how much closer to the criminal underworld they've just pushed him. Ghiaccio's best friend is Pesci, who he beat up after Pesci accidentally drove his bike into him on campus. Sorbet and Gelato were incredibly angry with him for this and forced him to make amends, leading to the unlikely friendship. They take shifts at the flower shop together when Sorbet and Gelato are out on dates.

Finally, there is Melone, (age 25, real name Harry Nelson) who gets his nickname from his absolutely terrible handwriting when writing out his real surname. Melone is, quite frankly, a quack physician, operating illegally under a myriad of fake identities throughout the city. He made the mistake of swindling some senior Passione members and ended up being forced to run narcotics for them, a surprisingly easy task considering cocaine is still considered a perfectly good medicine at this point. He is a frequent at the Passione Bar through which he knows Formaggio and Illuso, as well as a student at the same university Prosciutto works at, which he is attending in an attempt to learn some actually viable medical knowledge. Against the odds he has managed to befriend the professor, with whom he discusses the many gruesome crimes the group perpetrates. There are rumours, it is said, that Passione wants to establish an assassination squad, and with many of the more obvious choices already known to the police, it is said some more unconventional individuals may be chosen for the role.